WHEN THINGS HEAT UP...
Give yourself time. Take a breath—is this the time or place to talk about troubling issues?
Check your anger level. Am I too angry to have a productive conversation?
Is the other person too angry to talk?
Clarify the real issue. Why am I upset? What do I need? What does the other person need?
Listen. Often when you listen first, the other person will listen to you. Say back what you heard, giving the other person a chance to clarify.
Say what you need (and explain how you feel) without blaming and judging the other person.